Used!

As much as possible i try to be there for people. to listen to them if they need to talk or if they have a problem. I dont mind at all.
I dont expect anything...but when i need something or some sort of help I would assume they would do the same in return.
then you feel bad when you realize that i'm uspet about this. so you feed me some bs to try and make me feel better. about how you've been thinking about stuff and came to some realization about life...and i fall for it! straight on! you got my hopes up. you can tell me all this stuff on the phone...but not to my face. and when i ask you about it, you have no answer.
i dont appreciate getting led on. if you dont mean it, dont say it.

I want....

a baby....my own family...

Lonely

I feel like I'm always "out of the loop"....even when I with people i know. it feels like i'm outta place. have I changed that much? It feels like my life has slowed down and that i live under a rock or something. I'm thinking that I've closed myself off to the world.

I cant explain it.

And even though I'm with a person who I LOVE very much and enjoy being with...you would say why would I feel this way? its probably because I want more...

is there anthing wrong with that? am i being too selfish???

Purpose

I feel like I spend most of my time worrying about things instead of enjoying life. I always get thoughts in my head which consume me. I'm 30 and I feel like I havent accomplished much in my life. People my age usually have alot under their belt like their own home...a family...husband/wife...children...financial stability....When I look at myself, I feel like such a failure. These thought and feelings come in waves. Its always there in my mind, but its usually an up and down thing.

What is my purpose here on earth? I feel like a waste of space. I feel like I have not made any kind of contribution to this world....What am I doing here?

Someone told me that things I start, I usually never complete. Wow...is it that obvious? I knew that already. I just didnt know that people saw that too! It just reassures me that I've failed. I've failed with everything I start...from the smallest thing like a simple project around the house, to being healthier, to a failed marriage.

I wish I could be happy. But no one ever really is...So i just wish I can find peace within myself.